The Good Captain: Chapter 3

Things naturally close in

There came a knock upon the cabin door.

Oh dear Christ, Mr Rubio, what now?

Sorry, Captain, it’s myself. Would you be kind and open the door. I wish to speak with you?

Ah, yes. A few moments madam, please?

This is not good, Guillermo. Would you do me the favour and skedaddle. Please? Get in the buggering closet please, please, pretty please.

I’m not getting in no closet.

A few minutes in the closet?

It’s not the length of time. I’m simply not. There’s a pattern here. Do you see, Jack? Of refusal? I’m not wearing the cabin boy costume. I’m not getting in the closet. I no longer obey you. No clothes, no closet. I’ve emancipated myself. It took a little wriggling, but I got there.

Since when did you obey me?

Just let her in, Jack. Let her see how it is with you and me, and do us both a favour and relax.

Captain Adams?

Yes, another moment, madam.

I thought we had agreed you might call me Victor? It’s okay, if it’s not to your liking. I can go, if you are indisposed?

No, Victor, a little undressed is all. And now I have a chance to look at my quarters as if with your eyes, it seems there’s been an explosion, perhaps more than one.

That’s enough nonsense. I’ll get the bloody door.

No you won’t!

Won’t I? Watch me!

I’ll go!

Great, you go. I’ll stay here, reclining at ease on the chez!

The good captain rose from the chair, tying the belt around the Kimono, looking in dismay at his companion and rubbing his neck, which had stiffened in the short time he’d turned to face the door. Guillermo’s nonchalant wave killed off any hope he might yet avoid the young woman seeing how he lived. Leaving the heat of the fire was the worst of it.

He opened the door six inches, putting put his face in the gap. The young woman’s smile disarmed him as it had on deck.

Yes, hello Victor. My room, well…

I have five brothers. You need not worry. I had to come. Is it true, Captain Adams?

Is what true?

The boy who brought a jug of water to the cabin seemed to think it rather frightful.

I’m afraid I still…

You have an ape?

I’m not his. Tell her I’m not yours Jack. Let her in. I’ll keep the fellow covered. Promise. Cross my legs and hope to die!

Okay, but have some decorum. Don’t pick your nose. You don’t even realise you’re doing it. You’re doing it now. Stop it!

I’m not picking, Jack. I’m foraging. There, how’s this little green beauty. I’m all instinct and nature, Jack. Nature and me, the same thing. You might take a leaf from our book, the lot of you.

Fine! Let it all go to pot, morality, hygiene, the lot.

Captain?

Ah, yes, well that boy has a wild imagination. I should have warned you not to listen to his gabbling.

Why fib? I see it.

The good captain had felt the draft. When he looked down, Guillermo was squatting between his legs, having lifted the kimono at the rear to get under, and again at the front in order to see the young woman, and as light travels in a straight line unless set upon by gravity, the young woman saw him too.

Is it an orangutan? I’ve seen one before. Our teacher, poor Miss Granger, took a group of us to London Zoo. She made us stand for an age in front of a huge gorilla. I remember he was named Castor.

His mother didn’t give it to him!

I could see he was sick to death of everything, including being stared at. When Miss Granger began laughing and pointing at him, he responded by spitting a wad of thick, orange mucus at her. His aim was good, striking the middle of her bosom. Miss Granger became hysterical. She inclined to it. But here, she only had herself to blame. I learnt something I already knew: no one likes to be stared at. I also learnt I don’t much care for zoos. I don’t like cages.

No, nor I.

I see your ape is male.

Guillermo! What did you promise?

What? Oh, that? Must have forgot. Too busy foraging. Would you or Victor care to taste? Wrinkle your snout all you like. It’s a delicacy where I’m from.

Captain, is he safe to approach? Are apes not far stronger than us?

They have a primitive strength. Guillermo is gentle and house trained.

I’m civilised my dear is what he means. I chose the toilet rather than the cabin floor. I wasn’t trained to it. High in the forest canopy, which was home, I’d shit where I fancied, and watch it fall to the floor a hundred feet below. If there was a hunter down there, or better, a stupid tiger, I might try and land my dollops on them. The branches almost always got in the way. A few times I got through. Nothing funnier in all creation than a furious tiger with a turd on its head. Hunters I had to watch, but they had the same trouble getting their arrows through the branches as I had doing my dollops. I’m alive anyway, so make what you will of it. I’ll tell you gratis: there’s no such thing as too high up. And the only ‘training’ I’ve had was under Dr Gauss, the founder of analysis. Three years I spent sitting on his couch.

With your legs wide open?

Naturally!

In that case, hello Guillermo. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Likewise, young lady. No need to curtsy. I see why Jack’s in a flap about you. He’s useless with women. I warn you. His chakras are misaligned.

Why do you keep rubbing salt in the old wound?

To keep you aware, Jack. Plus, the enjoyment. I don’t want to be here. I want to be home with my mother and my brothers and sisters. I was taken by force, enslaved. Not by you, I admit. But you, the big white man, can’t imagine what it does to you. The vast gulf between living free high up in the trees, total, unbounded freedom with no natural enemies until the slavers came and took us in chains five thousand miles back to your world. 5 months in the hold of a slave ship, in chains, in our own dollops too!

You’re not my slave. I rescued you.

You wanted a unique pet to elevate you above hoi polloi. Notice I don’t say ‘the hoi polloi’? Ask me why?

Why?

It’s Greek.

I know that. The ‘oi’ was a clue.

But it means ‘the common people’. Thus, if’ I’d said ‘the hoi-polloi’ it would have been, ‘the the common people’. I’d simply saying that’s your main issue Jack, the massive inferiority complex you lug around.

You said I was a gentleman?

There’s a far bigger picture at work here, Jack. You might one day see it, if you put in the hours.

I don’t have time.

You should make some!

And she doesn’t want to shake your hand. God, think where it’s been?

Too late!

How delightful, human manners. Did you teach him? Why, thank you Guillermo. Good day to you too. Captain Adams, is everything okay?

Yes, sorry. I’m used to him. We’ve been together since I rescued him from a pet shop in Buenos Aires. In Argentina. Five years ago, perhaps. I don’t know how others might take him, or us, as it were

Quite a pungent scent.

Me or Jack? Me?

And truly, Captain Adams, your dressing gown is charming.

It’s actually a kimono.

‘It’s actually a kimono’ Jesus Jack, just use laudanum if you want to put her to sleep?

In Japan, they wear it outdoors, in the daytime. You’d think it a land of somnambulists, were it not for sun being up. Oh, there he is, explaining how it is for entire nations! Shut up, Captain Adams. The young lady doesn’t want to hear your so-called opinions.

I’ve disturbed you. I wasn’t sure I should so readily impose. I’ll go back to my cabin. Would you call me when you are ready to depart? I would like to see the operation for myself. One supposes one ought to learn about one’s future husband’s business. I would see it first, for the pleasure of my eyes. If I am captive, Captain Adams, it’s to wondrous existence. Yes, I shall come on deck to watch.

You do not need to provide any reason. Just ask, and I shall do my utmost to…

One question, Captain? If I may? Might I give you orders? Must you obey, if I do?

I’m not sure of the protocol. Perhaps not until you are married to the ship owner and thus embody him.

I find it difficult embodying myself. I often feel I might not exist. Sorry Captain, I’m just saying whatever comes to me without censure.

You do not need to apologise to me. The feeling is not an uncommon one. I’m convinced my life is a dream someone else is having.

Go on, Jack. Give her both barrels!

I was going to elaborate, language and consciousness and all that.

What a woman most craves: man wisdom…

I wish to make your voyage as pleasant as I can, ensure you’re happy.

You cannot ensure that, Captain Adams.

No, you’re right. Again, I go too far. Stupid Captain!

Do you mind, if I might be honest with you? Do you agree, we all have a sense of how it is with another? We don’t need them to tell us.

I don’t know the feeling is universal. Most of those in my acquaintance, neither feel nor care about anyone other than themselves.

Captain Adams, in my life there is one man in whom my devotion is rewarded. My father is an academician. His current research is amoeba. I’ve seen them in his microscope, floating without aim. But if another amoeba comes close enough, they both extend these tiny arms from their sides and grab hold of each other. Same as it was two billion years ago, in the great ocean. Did you know there was only the one terra firma then, Captain? A vast ocean all round, full of amoebas finding and holding dear to each other.

Was is it not for nourishment, with one amoeba eating the other?

You do so love to put up a wall, Captain Adams. I don’t deny it. I prefer to see, they are looking to become one. Don’t you think that the most beautiful thing? There, you have me going too, Captain. My opinions also mean nothing. I imagine, surviving is the important thing. The dinosaurs had to become birds to survive. We may become something else in time. If I could, I’d fly over my father’s house, hover outside every window.

I tried to fly, as most boys do. I would run down the slope in the garden, flapping my arms fast as possible, jumping up, hoping the next leap would be the one to carry me up. I believe hope unrealised soon becomes absurd. We stop trying. We flap no more.

There, that wasn’t so painful, was it?

What?

Giving a little of yourself?

I’m not sure I did.

Captain, while we’re together, until we reach the Azores, can we try and speak freely together. I would like to see friendship replace courtesy. I would dearly like that.

Is that an order?

Yes, my first. I hope you will not disobey.